Could this really be the face of pure evil?

16 12 2006

He’s sweet and absolutely adorable all day – and angel, even. And then around 7pm, he morphs into the devil. We’re pretty sure he’s trying to play with us – after all, his tail wiggles with sheer giddiness…while his giant teeth dig into our arms and legs and ankles. He’s clearly not trying to bite us really hard. If he did, our clothes and skin wouldn’t stand a chance against the 96 lbs. of muscle that comes with his giant teeth. I think he’s bored. He sleeps ALL day long – lazy lazy lazy and so so sweet. Even now at this late hour, it seems like his tantrums are over and he’s just wandering around the house – in fact I hear his giant tongue lapping up his water. (Sometimes I imagine his tongue to be one of those enormous flat strips of blue cloth that slaps against your windshield at the drive-through car wash.) – Spoke too soon: now he’s barking in Adam’s face and demanding negative attention. What should we do? I can tell you that yelling doesn’t work! Nor does wrestling him to the ground.

I’m sure Bobby the fancy schmancy overpriced dog trainer would say we’re doing something wrong. He always says it’s always our fault – and he’s probably right. Still, you’d think that for the kind of cash we dropped on the training program, he could have focused some of his attention on Ted-specific problems, rather than on commands like Sit and Lay Down, which I’d already taught him. Plus, his answer to “How do we get Ted to stop ‘XYZing‘?” is always “Don’t let him do it.” When he’s going crazy, how do you just not LET him do it? – We can’t even catch him!

Tonight Teddy definitely attacked me at the park. – And when I say attack, I hope you all understand that I’m not implying that he viciously attacked me like an angry coyote. What I actually mean is that he tried to play with me REALLY aggressively. He’s never angry when he freaks out. After hanging out with he and his doggy pals for about 45 minutes, I was ready to go. Teddy, on the other hand, is NEVER ready to go. He just flipped out and started jumping on me, pushing me with his giant furry [dusty, too] mitts, and wrapping those pearly whites around my wrists and arms. You should see what they look like! I was going to post pics, but I’ll spare you. I had to wrestle him down in the dirt and flip him on his back to get control. People at the park laughed – but I’ve learned that’s what dog people do when they’re nervous: they act like whatever’s happening is not a big deal as if to say “I’m cool. I’m a dog person. I think it’s cute when dogs maul people for fun.” No one wants to be the overreacter. I must say that I followed suit and pretended like it didn’t hurt that badly.

Seems like I’m always so negative about Teddy when I’m writing here! I guess sometimes it’s just cathartic. Anyway, I know that we’ll wake up tomorrow morning and he’ll be back to his sweet and loving self – licking my face, his whole body wagging with happiness. He walked really beautifully on his leash today without the prong collar and he was great with the tiny dogs at the park. Maybe this weekend we’ll let he and Jack get a little closer and see what happens.




2 responses

18 12 2006

eep! find a new fancy dog trainer pronto! no biting!

20 12 2006

maybe its time to stop using the meat scented soap??

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